It's Official

I'm obsessed with Edward Cullen.  it's sick really.  And in this ridiculous city I'm staying in THERE ARE NO COPIES OF THE DAMN SERIES ANYWHERE!!  I'm not a happy customer.  I hate this city anyway.  If it didn't have the best hospital in the state, I wouldn't come here ever again.  And after mom's fourth surgery, I'm never coming back.  I didn't even think these people could read.  Bunch of damn hillbillys.  Maybe they hire someone to read to them or even better...they bought it for their reading-able, non-hillbilly downstaters! 

 

No....i'm not obsessed.  I haven't read the book twice in 24 hours.  Shut up.  Nor have I considered who could be the edward cullen in my life.  Not for two seconds.  Nope.  Not me.  I'm just not that kind of girl.

 

I am leaving this shithole city tomorrow.  Begrudgingly, too.  I don't want to leave mom, but there's a bigass storm Sunday and I can't not work Monday.  Bleh.  Stupid responsibilities.  We hates them, precious!

I am pathetic

Years ago I was obsessed with this guy....we'll call him Dick Head.  Dick was not nice to me.  At the time he was 100% a lack of options obsession.  But I liked him.  Crush aside, we really were good friends and had a lot of fun together.  But he really led me on while talking crap about these other girls who were also obsessed with him.  And I don't even know why any of us liked him.  He was charming to a fault, but he's not that attractive and was a manwhore.  He was pretty mean to me and while I don't like to think about it, I know he talked shit about me and made fun of me behind my back.  he did that to everyone else, why would I be any different?  Anyway....I was looking at my friend Bonnie's facebook friend's list and there he is....Dick Head.  So what do I do?  I email the fucker.  And then I obsess about whether or not he'll email me back.  he did and he recognized me (I didn't say who I was...it has a fake name (I know you're shocked) and only my picture).  So now I'm obsessing again and I wish I wouldn't.  Again...lack of options.  But mostly I'd like to just figure out how to let all of that BS go.  I don't know if talking to him will make that any better or not, but I guess I"ll find out. 

 

And do you want to know what's funny?  Ofcourse you do!!  Shit.  I forgot!!!  LOL!!!  Maybe I'll remember in a bit. 

 

Mom's feeling awful tonight.  She's in a lot of pain and they haven't done anything about it yet.  I'm worried and getting pissed.

 

I'm reading Twilight.  I can't put the damn book down no matter how guilty I feel about how little work I've gotten done!!!

2009??

3.75 more hours until this dumbass year is done.  bleh.  I have a headache.  I'm a little cranky.  I don't want to go back to the city.  Not that I want to stay here, but I just want to be with mom. 

 

 

I am frustrated

I don't know why this webpage bs is giving me issues.  When I delete a text box thing, everything in a different frame deletes.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I'm getting pissed!

 

Dad went to the ER this morning.  He has vertigo.  I'm sure he had a panic attack.  He is not handling mom's illness very well. 

I am tired

The old man next door to mom was screaming, literally, for an hour and a half last night to go home.  I'm not convinced he knows where he is.  If I ever end up like that, just fucking shoot me.  I don't want to live confused and scared like he is.  Hell no.  just put me down, man!

Hey Turlach!

I can't pay my bills either.  I am not in the mood for your sob story.  I swear all he does is complain.  It's frustrating. 

 

I'm moving in March, I decided.  We'll see how that works out for me!

It's that time of year

Time for that damned new years resolution thing.  As of right now I know what two of my resolutions will be, and I shall tell no one but my invisable friends!

 

First - my yearly resolution of get healthier.  This year I think it is sinking in more than before. My mom is very large (I'm not far behind her).  Seeing what she has to go through just to roll over after her surgery is horrible.  I don't want that for myself.  I'm going to exercise for at least 30 minutes after work everyday.  I have to force myself to do it.  I have to remind myself of what mom is going through; of how many people it takes to move her up in bed and of how many people it takes to help her sit up and of how she's too heavy and weak to stand on one leg.  I can't let that happen to me.  She's in pain all the time from pressure on her joints.  My knees are aleady beginning to hurt.  I don't want replacements like the rest of the family has (though I don't know I have a choice in that! - stupid genetics).  So that's my thing.  I need to be healthier, lose weight, and get stronger.  I can't be a fatass forever.  I go through bouts of "who the fuck cares - I'm eating what I want".  Now it's not about outward appearances anymore.  It's about avoiding the humiliation my mom has to go through just to get cleaned up in the morning.  No thanks.  I am going to lose this damn weight.  I'm also going to talk to the dr about having some kind of gastric surgery.  That might help me along.  We'll see.  I don't think I really want to go that route.  ANyway...all of this starts when I go back to work.  I'm not telling anyone about it.  I'm just going to do it. 

 

Second - I'd like to dress more professional at work.  I'm so casual.  But I need to be less casual and show interest in my career path.  I want to be taken more seriously and I can't do that if I wear a tshirt and khaki's with tennis shoes to work.  Bleh.  I hate big girl shoes.  But I have to get over it and start dressing the role.  Some baseball player said "You win some, you lose some and some get rained out but you gotta suit up for them all".  I like that quote!

 

I'm not sure if I have more than that.  Save money, but that won't happen.  It's a nice thought but I'm getting a pay cut in January, so there'll be no saving money!  I'll try, but I won't stress myself out over it.

 

I'm starting school Feb 19.  I'm looking forward to it!!  I can't wait to buy my books and start classes.  I think I might see if I can take both classes at the same time.  The graduate seminar looks sinfully easy.  We'll see, though.  I'll call an advisor in January to see what their advice is. 

 

I have to get my butt in gear and move.  Once my student loans come in, I'll get a new place.  That'll be the ideal time for the first/last months rent thing.  I just need to figure out where I'm going to live.  And I think I should ask Zeus for his 100% honest opinion.  I don't want to sign a year long lease if the company is going to go out of business.  OH!  I totally forgot that I have that second job with orchids!  I need to call them.  That'll help financially but wow will I not have time for ANYTHING between two jobs and school.  Crazy!