!

I started weight watchers again.  This is the heaviest I have ever been and I swear to go if I ever see these numbers again someone will have to put me out of my misery.  I took my measurements today and that was thoroughly depressing.  But yesterday I just got myself back into the WW mindset and I'm determined to do this.  part of me keeps saying to do this for mom, but I'm doing this for me more than for her.  I don't want to have the issues she had.  She was/is proud of me no matter what I do, so she's not motivation enough for me.  One selfish reason is Momus.  I really like him - a lot.  Think about him way too much, but he can't see past the fat suit.  We talk and joke and stuff, but he'll never see me as anything but a coworker.  and I feel ugly.  I know I'm not.  I have a pretty face, but no one sees past the fat.  I feel that's all anyone sees when they look at me. 

 

But mostly, I just want to be healthy.  I want to be a runner.  Weird enough reason, but I do.  I don't run.  My big joke has always been "i don't run unless the ice cream truck is going to fast!"  But really, I think I'd like to go for runs in the morning, but that ain't happening for a LONG time.  It's a goal though.  My first goal, though is 5%.  It's realistic.  And that's how I'm going to lose my weight.  5% at a time. 

 

So there we go.  I'll have to keep this as my WW journal.  And my bitching journal - cuz that's just fun!