I'm not getting shit done. Gaius is taking up all my time. I can't do fucking anything except fucking freak the fuck out. And the shit that he needs done can be done by his lazy ass piece of shit assistant, Clucky. But she's a lazy ass piece of shit. I have no fucking time. I didn't get a lunch because I was busy working on other bullshit. fuck this shit.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
So...
I think Cago is kind of done with me, too. That's ok. I have this :) But I hate when he's all quiet. And he ALWAYS has this "take turns" thing with email. I'm sure it's probably my turn to email him. He'll sit there for days waiting. Today he annoys me, I guess. Not that that's a difficult task.
I had lunch with Rano. It was nice! The waiter was cool, too. He's from LA and worked at Saddle Ranch. I loved that place :) Talking with Rano, though, was helpful to me. It made me feel less stressed and I'm very greatful for that. We bitched about Hades and she told me she finds Zeus intimidating - he isn't. He's quiet and serious at first, but when you get to know him he's pretty great!
Octavio wants to submit pictures for the photography contest. I don't have time. He's cramping my style. I can't really add him because I think I might be ready to go. he'll be at the very end of everything. Hopefully he doesn't choose to submit five!
Dear Cago
Now I remember why I didn't want to share this with you. Your affairs disgust me. I'm sick of hearing about them. You're married. You and your evil wife are horrible examples to your children. You both teach them it's ok to treat people you love like shit. You don't see it, but you will when they get married and are as miserable as you are or as mean as your wife is. Good luck with that.
Good Lord
I realize that venting here is what I need, but I didn't plan on this becoming a vent blog. Maybe after surgery it won't be. I hope so, anyway.
I'm just sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears. I'm sick of VP's being short with me. I'm sick of people asking me how I'm doing or calling me "short timer". Terms like short-timer imply something like retirement or vacation. I'm going to have my insides ripped out of me. I don't want to be a fucking short timer so don't fucking call me that, Hundo. I hate you anyway, so stop talking to me.
What part do you not understand?
Someone comes to my desk and asks me how I'm doing. I'm sick to death of hvaing to answer that. I told her I'm really busy. She proceeded to stand there and talk while I worked and wondered why I wasn't really responding. I'M BUSY!
I love Mike Doughty
I love his blog - I really do. I want to blog just like him, but I don't have the time. I can't really blog at work except via email and I haven't quite figured out how to post pictures through email. I'll try sometime, but I don't have time to figure it out.
I am on the verge of a mental breakdown here. I am not going to finish what I want and need to finish before surgery. I'll try my hardest and go half insane trying, but I really don't see me finishing everything. I hate that feeling. Saying no to projects is, for me, saying I'm incompetant and incapable. So I continue to say "Yes, I can squeeze that in" when inside I just want to cry. I cried myself to sleep and cried the whole time in the shower. I am freaked the fuck out. I'm not even nearly as freaked about the surgery as I am about what's not getting done at work. I've spent the last half hour or so cleaning off my desk. IT set up my desk for two users, so now I have two computers and no room to pile my junk. I had a HUGE pile in the corner that could no longer be ignored. I'm almost finished with it. I'll to the right side when I'm done whining here.
Turlach had a court appt yesterday. He's worried things won't go his way. I'm sure he'll be just fine.
Today I have to take pictures of Tot and Mario. I think I might see if Tatjana can take Mario's picture. At some point this week I have to go downtown to see the new designs for the website. That will also only freak me out because I'll sit here and worry about who's going to put the site together and why can't we just get it done now. Our site sucks major ass. It's embarrassing to think that people see our website. How we attract new business with it is beyond me.
Ok. I'm done for the moment. I wish I could be more like Mike Doughty, though. I want to write like him!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I am FREAKING OUT
I don't understand benefits. I misunderstood what was told to me, I think, so I need to go clarify how much I am or am not paying. This sucks. I am broke as it is, but it looks like I'll be paying more than I expected. like $8K more.
Lunch
Lunch with Audra was what I expected - fishing for information on who's going to do my job when i'm gone! Not her, that's for damn skippy. She's incompetant. I feel bad for her though. She works for Hades. I worked for him for a few weeks and told Zeus I coudln't do it anymore. He's a liar, to boot. He never takes responsibility for his own actions. He has no sense of reality. I really do feel bad for Audra. She's in a very tough job, but she's being a trooper for the most part. I'm not sure I would be.
Why are people so surprised to hear that I'm upset about having an hysterectomy? Why is that so surprising? I'm 34. I have no kids. Why the fuck wouldn't I be upset???? Good lord, people. Get a fucking clue and grow a heart while you're at it.
Audra started smoking again. Now I smell like an ashtray from sitting in her stinky car. Yuck.
I Am Fussy
I'm fussy. I freely admit it - when it comes to design, I'm VERY fussy. I tried to hammer out two new looks for a presentation for Gaius and I hate them. Hestia loves them. I worked on new labels last night and I hate those, too. Hestia and Ishvi love them and are sending to the client. I have no confidence in my work today. Like I said...I'm fussy. Everything looks cartoonish today. Nothing looks professional at all. NOTHING!
Now I have to clean the desk quick because IT is switching computers so that Amira can work at my desk when I'm gone. Fun.
Dear Hundo
Shut the fucking door if you're going to be so damn loud. SOME OF US ACTUALLY WORK FOR A LIVING!
And on that note, Dear Danny...I don't have time to look at your stupid pictures. I WORK FOR A LIVING!
Hugs and Kisses
Brennan
Dear Computer
You're pissing me off. Do you not realize I have a very important meeting this morning and that you're totally cramping my style? Get over whatever damn process you're trying to run and let me do my damn work!
I am early today
I did it! I got up earlier than normal to get a head start on the day. Go me! Ofcourse, now I'll be exhausted by the time 7pm rolls around, but whatever. I hope to get more accomplished this morning. Maybe I can make this a habit. Not 100% likely, but still. AND....Zeus sent an email late last night asking an excel question and I was happy to reply to him at ass o'clock so he knew how early I was in :) I've been looking for just that opportunity.
Today is lunch with Audra Roughnight. She's ... well she's annoying at the very least. She means well, so I try to take it easy on her. There have been, however, several occasions when she's tried to throw me under the bus here at work and she knows well enough now not to ever attempt that again. She knows I see through her BS and will call her on it.
Tomorrow is lunch with Rowen. I adore her - she's a lot of fun and we're alot alike. I just don't know if I can afford lunch. I'll have to be cheap with Audra today so I can have a nice time with Rowen tomorrow.
Time for work! But first...I love this blog :)
Monday, August 25, 2008
I am tired once again!
Just getting ready to head home after a long days work. It's very difficult training someone because it takes up a lot of my time that I could be working on something else. I"d like to try to get in as early as I can tomorrow so that I can maybe get some work done on Camaraderie. I have to get photo contest pictures up and running as well as picnic pictures. I need to find a way to get Amira to help me with that. I just don't have time to do it all.
And now I leave because I tired! OH! Hera, Zeus' wife, called me to see what kind of movies and books I like. Me thinks me's getting a gift for surgery :) Who am I to say no to gifts, right? Right!
Cago
There's part of me that wants to tell him about this blog and the other part knows I tell him anything that goes in here anyway. I think I probalby won't tell him about this. I'm not sure why I struggle so much with it.
Moses was insane
First: Moses was insane. Didn't anyone think it was weird that he was talking straight to God? Come on...he's certifiable!
Second: Why the F are we having presentations involving the bible and Christianity at work? Freedom of religion and all is great, but just because one person is all church, doesn't mean we all are. For all they know I could be atheist. Just because we're in the bible belt of this state doesn't mean everyone is effing christian. I am christian, but I think scripture and prayer has absolutely no place in the office. None. Maybe I lived in Cali too long where people are very sensitive and tiptoe around religious talk - but I liked it like that. I don't care to sit there and listen to verses from the bible. Maybe most of my issue is that I think the bible is purely fiction, and these people think it's fucking historical documentation! It's not! Moses didn't climb up a mountain and receive stone tablets from "God"! That never happened! There was no Adam and Eve. There was no Noah or an ark! They are all stories and fables to teach people what is considered right and wrong.
I guess that IS my issue. I'm christian but don't believe in the bible and I think it's shit when people sit there and read from the bible like they're reading a speech made by President Ford. President Ford really made speeches. Moses didn't!
Whatever. That meeting is the bane of my existence sometimes. It's torture and I could be doing real work.
Dear Hestia
You are not a designer. Not even a little. I fucking hate when people think they are the designers. That's my fucking job.
Kiss my ass,
Brennan
Why bother?
I don't understand why people decline meetings on a day that the office is closed. We all know the meeting isn't going to happen. The meeting is scheduled to recur on every monday which is why it's on our calendars. But why the hell bother declining the meeting? I don't get that. It pisses me off. I guess everything is pissing me off today.
I'm feeling overwhelmed with work and the pending surgery. I am chickening out for the surgery. I know I have to have it. I get it. But I dn't want it. I want the time off of work, but I dn't want the pain or the depression that's going to come along with the surgery. I don't want to deal with any of it at all. I just don't want to deal today. I'm still pissed about the charge for filling out disablility papers. It's a total bullshit charge. I don't even want to go to the office to drop the papers off. But I have to. I don't even have $15 to give them. I guess I'll just bounce a fucking check.
I hate money. I hate everything today.
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