I have filed my taxes

Exciting shit.  Same money as last year, only this year I have many more bills to pay.  At least I can get ahead on my car and start paying that a couple weeks early so it doesn't interfere with rent.

 

Did I mention I'm moving?  I got the apartment I wanted.  It's so cute!  I move a week from today.  I can hardly wait!  No more Turlach to answer to.  I can do whatever I want.  I can lay in bed all night and watch tv if I want.  YAY!  Anytime I think of moving I get all hyper and happy :)

 

I may or may not have mentioned I have a sick crush on Robert Pattinson.  It's sick.  Really.  He's barely over 21!  But still...crush I shall since there's nothing better to do. 

 

And now I will either watch netflix, read more about Pattinson in hopes I'll learn to hate him or read Tommyknockers!!

I am inspired

Barack Obama inspires me.  He makes me want to be more involved in the political process.  He makes me so incredibly proud to be an American.  I don't think any other person has ever or will ever make me feel so proud to be who I am!!  His speech was great.  Too bad people in the office wouldn't "shut it" like I not so kindly asked them to do.  I never said I was polite...I am American, afterall :)

 

 

i am a fuck up

I have to have a co-signer for an apartment.  What, am I 18?  WTF!  I've held jobs consistantly for over 15 years.  I've never been late on rent.  i've never been kicked out.  I've never been a nuiscance.  EVERYONE in the fucking state has bad credit - do they want to make money or not?  Ii'm not a risk.  My credit is fucked for a number of reasons.  it's just not fair. 

Hi

Hi mom....today is Saturday January 17th.  Shawn asked me to leave the hospital today instead of tomorrow because of the roads and because we have so much to do.  I'm sorry I made you make that decision.  I didn't want to leave at all but I also didn't want to ask Shawn to make the extra trip up to TC just to get me.  I thought if you really wanted me to stay you'd have asked, and I know you would have.  It's just so hard for me to leave you alone there.  I hate the thought of you being all by yourself and I've felt awful about it all night.  I know a lot of it is that I just really need to sleep, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

 

So I decided to write you an email and I hope I follow through and keep writing emails so you have a bunch of fun stuff to read when you finally get home. 

 

I miss you so much.  It was so scary for all of us when you were so sick.  We didn't know if you were going to make it through those first few nights and munson.  It was torture, but I thank God that you did make it through.  I guess I need to learn to be patient for you to be able to come home and for me to be able to see you whenever the hell I want to. 

 

But I'm scared to death that if I leave something will happen and I'll never see you again.  Everyone tried to get me to leave Munson in December, but I just couldn't.  I'm glad Kenyatta let me stay up there.  I wish things were better at the company right now for me to be able to stay up there again, but that's not a possibility.

 

Anyway....I just needed to share that with you.  I miss you more than you can imagine. 

I am back at the hospital

Mom's having another surgery today.  Not exciting news.  Not fun, either.  I"m stressed out.  I hurt my back.  and EVERYONE is pissing me off.  I feel bad about it, but mom is too.  I'm a horrible person.  I'm tired.  I'm in pain.  I'm grumpy.  I'm stressed out about moving.  OH....

 

Turlach got a new job up north, so he's moving in with the folks in two weeks.  So I'm pretty much fucked.  Don't get me wrong, i'm really glad he got the job and proud of him.  I'm excited for him to move out and I'm even more excited for me to have my own place.  HOWEVER...I don't know if I can get into a place in two weeks.  I'm really freaking out about that.  I halfway have my heart set on one place.  I bet I end up in a fucked up house that I don't want to be in.

 

man....i'm just pissed at the fucking world today.  Time to go read more Bella and Edward. 

So....

I am cold.  It's freezing out.  But i'm not that cold I suppose.  I just want something to whine about.

 

I'm supposed to be writing content for the website, but I can't get my head into it.  I ahve some written, but not nearly enough.

Tell me to take a breath

Because people are pissing me off.  One person in particular.  TANNER.  GO FUCK YOURSELF.  You know how to do these changes and it is YOUR responsibility to do so...quit pushing your fucking work off on me. 

 

I'm just frustrated this afternoon.  I'll get over it pretty darn quick.  I have to. 

 

I was going to walk after work, but I don't really feel like it.  I don't remember why.

 

And I hate when the news idiots tell us there's this big damn storm coming and it never shows up.  I love storms so now I'm really disappointed. 

I am irritated, as usual

Many things are driving me insane today:

 

Amira.  She's just pissing me off, I guess.  She's not even trying to do something before asking me how.  TRY IT FIRST!  it's not like this is the first time I've asked her to do something like this.  It's a bi-weekly thing.  She's not stupid.  I don't know wtf her deal is, but it's pissing me off.  And as usual she's in a bad mood and doesn't feel good.  Save it.  I'm not in a good mood either and my ear feels like it's going to fall off, but I do my work.  I don't whine (outloud).  I get my fucking work done.  Take a cue from me!!

 

Tanner.  She knows how to do what needs to be done.   I know that doesn't make sense.  But she fucking grates on my goddamn nerves.  She needs pages added to the internal website.  She's 100% capable of doing that on her goddamn own.  What the fuck is the deal that she can't do it now?  Fuck you, Tanner.  Do it your fucking self. 

 

life.  you suck right now life.  Get your shit together.

 

Turlach.  He needs to decide what the fuck he's going to do so I can fucking plan accordingly. 

 

WTF...are my hormones not working anymore?  Happy pills not doing it?  I hate feeling so damn pissy all the time.  I irritate myself.  Brennan, you're a fucking bitch today.  Get the fuck over your mood and get to fucking work!  And while you're at it, find something to do at work other than email friends....get the fuck busy.

Monday, bloody Monday

Yes, I know the song is Sunday Bloody Sunday, but it's not Sunday.  It's bloody monday!  I hates Monday's precious.  Well...actually I don't hate them.  I'm just not getting into my job like I should.  I'm going to try harder, though.  I have to. 

 

more later

I have a fucking masters degree

I'll soon have two.  And I'm told to fucking clean someone elses fucking office.  This is fucking bullfuckingshit.

I can't function today

I haven't done shit and I feel really bad about that.  But I also want to leave early and am pissed that Zeus doesn't automatically say "sure".  it's a fucking hour, ass.  You don't need anything from me.  I am just so irritable right now.  I hate feeling like this.  Maybe I was supposed to have changed the patch?  i've lost track of the days.  I hate that stupid thing.  It sucks. 

 

I'm so so so tired today.  Turlach wants me to drive north.  That pisses me off but whatever.  I hate having his fucking dog in my car.  Speaking of hating dogs, we're going to live together again.  what the fuck.  i'll never be able to fucking live alone.  I don't want to live with him..  I hate his dog.  I hate everything right now.

Really....it's crackfic

I can't put the stupid books down.  I spent money on the third book that should have been spent on something more important...like GROCERIES or GAS to get to work!  But no...i get the third book.  I'll have to tell Turlach that someone here bought it for me.

 

I got an art magazine at work.  It has given me ideas for artwork for whereever I end up living - either with Turlach, on my own here, or on my own somewhere else...we'll see!

Where's my Edward?!

So I haven't been sleeping and not because i'm not tired.  I'm exhausted.  But these fucking books keep me awake!  i'm contemplating not buying the third (yeah right) just so I can get some sleep tonight!  Why do I like these books?  They are the eptiome of crackfic.

 

It's going to cost us 20-30K just to transport mom between the nursing home and the hospital.  I hate insurance.  Why pay for it if it won't cover everything.  WTF!

 

Work is irritating.

 

I just want to go read my book!  i'm pathetic.  2 more hours and I can go read in peace.  Ofcourse, I'm not sure if I have meetings this afternoon or not...so I should check that out.  I so want to just call in sick.  I'm tired.  I don't want to work.  I'm not motivated even a little. 

Would you like to know what pisses me off?

I'm sure you do!

 

What pisses me off is when Zeus goes to Hestia about a project I'm working on asking if it's done yet.  First, I am right here sitting in front of his office.  he could ask me.  Second, this means Hestia will get credit for the work I've done...as fucking usual.

 

What's my deal today!!  Other than being tired, that is.  i'm so fucking bitchy.  I hate feeling like this. 

i am fucking worried

I just heard a word said here that scares the hell out of me.  A word that means I might not have a job in a month or two. 

I am tired

First day back to work.  I'm already tired.  I have to decide what, if anything, I am going to do for lunch.  I know I should eat.  I am hungry.  But I don't feel like eating at all.  I just don't want to.  I don't want to be here.  The book sucks.  it's such horrible fan fic, but I can't put it down!  it's like that one story I read about Lauren and that guy and when the second story came out, it was lauren and some other guy I couldn't care less about if I tried! 

 

And where the hell is MY edward cullen anyway?  I don't think he exists. 

 

oh!  I haven't taken happy pills...maybe that's part of my lethargic feelings.  I dunno.  I wish I felt like eating.

It's Official

I'm obsessed with Edward Cullen.  it's sick really.  And in this ridiculous city I'm staying in THERE ARE NO COPIES OF THE DAMN SERIES ANYWHERE!!  I'm not a happy customer.  I hate this city anyway.  If it didn't have the best hospital in the state, I wouldn't come here ever again.  And after mom's fourth surgery, I'm never coming back.  I didn't even think these people could read.  Bunch of damn hillbillys.  Maybe they hire someone to read to them or even better...they bought it for their reading-able, non-hillbilly downstaters! 

 

No....i'm not obsessed.  I haven't read the book twice in 24 hours.  Shut up.  Nor have I considered who could be the edward cullen in my life.  Not for two seconds.  Nope.  Not me.  I'm just not that kind of girl.

 

I am leaving this shithole city tomorrow.  Begrudgingly, too.  I don't want to leave mom, but there's a bigass storm Sunday and I can't not work Monday.  Bleh.  Stupid responsibilities.  We hates them, precious!

I am pathetic

Years ago I was obsessed with this guy....we'll call him Dick Head.  Dick was not nice to me.  At the time he was 100% a lack of options obsession.  But I liked him.  Crush aside, we really were good friends and had a lot of fun together.  But he really led me on while talking crap about these other girls who were also obsessed with him.  And I don't even know why any of us liked him.  He was charming to a fault, but he's not that attractive and was a manwhore.  He was pretty mean to me and while I don't like to think about it, I know he talked shit about me and made fun of me behind my back.  he did that to everyone else, why would I be any different?  Anyway....I was looking at my friend Bonnie's facebook friend's list and there he is....Dick Head.  So what do I do?  I email the fucker.  And then I obsess about whether or not he'll email me back.  he did and he recognized me (I didn't say who I was...it has a fake name (I know you're shocked) and only my picture).  So now I'm obsessing again and I wish I wouldn't.  Again...lack of options.  But mostly I'd like to just figure out how to let all of that BS go.  I don't know if talking to him will make that any better or not, but I guess I"ll find out. 

 

And do you want to know what's funny?  Ofcourse you do!!  Shit.  I forgot!!!  LOL!!!  Maybe I'll remember in a bit. 

 

Mom's feeling awful tonight.  She's in a lot of pain and they haven't done anything about it yet.  I'm worried and getting pissed.

 

I'm reading Twilight.  I can't put the damn book down no matter how guilty I feel about how little work I've gotten done!!!

2009??

3.75 more hours until this dumbass year is done.  bleh.  I have a headache.  I'm a little cranky.  I don't want to go back to the city.  Not that I want to stay here, but I just want to be with mom. 

 

 

I am frustrated

I don't know why this webpage bs is giving me issues.  When I delete a text box thing, everything in a different frame deletes.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I'm getting pissed!

 

Dad went to the ER this morning.  He has vertigo.  I'm sure he had a panic attack.  He is not handling mom's illness very well.