Two letters for you today doesn't look good. When I'm not hear, you have to figure things out on your fucking own. Remember when I said I don't have time for babying today? Well I STILL don't have time for it. And don't fucking look at me like this work is beneath you. This is what you do when you're an executive assistant. If you want the responsibility, drop your fucking attitude and do the fucking job.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Dear Dr. Eraser of Hopes and Dreams
You're already ripping out my uterous. You're a cold and unfeeling piece of shit. Why the fuck are you charging me $15 to fill out forms? It's bullshit. Because the $80K you're getting for ripping everything out of me isn't enough. Fuck you.
Maybe I'll cancel surgery. I don't want to have it. Mom would be pissed but this isn't her fucking body. This is my life. Not anyone elses. If she wants to be pissed go right the fuck ahead. I don't care anymore. I don't know if I can go through with this.
Dear Invisable Friends
I guess today is the day for letter writing. I love my invisable friends! You guys rock.
Smootches!
Brennan
Dear Amira
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do your job. Executives won't take it easy on you because you're sad or you have a headache or you're just having a bad day. This is the last day I'm being nice. I need you to do work!! You're up here for that reason. If you are not mentally ready to work up here, then maybe you need to stay down at the phones. You're really bright and I hope that you just get over it this morning....I don't have time to baby anyone.
Love
Brennan
I am tickled
This has to just bite Clucker in the ass! Gaius emailed me to ask for help on a talk and presentation he's doing. This is a HUGE thing - both his talk and asking me for it. Clucker will shit her panties. She thinks that she's queen bee, but she isn't. It will make her jealous and drive her insane that Gaius is asking me for help on something she should be capable of doing. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it. It tickles me to no end. I never said I was nice!
Cago should be back today. I hope his vaca went well. His wife is the bitch from hell...hence the name BFH. I hope she behaved that that Cago was able to have a good time.
Florentina posted about getting Kasper out of jail. She's got issues. Seriously. In her post she said some key things that are definitely troublesome. She said "if WE can do.." whatever. Whenever she talked about Kasper, it was WE. Not him, not Kasper....WE. This worries me. She's taking on Kaspers problems as if they are her own. She has bailed him out EVERY SINGLE TIME he's been in trouble. He belongs in jail or rehab. Rehab would be much better for him. He needs counseling. At this point, they all do. Kapser as serioulsy fucked things up. And Kasper is going to be required to hand over names of drug ring leaders - Florentina thinks that's no big deal. If the ring leaders he names are big enough, their lives could be in danger! She's fucking clueless. I love her to pieces, but she apparently will have to learn the hard way that Kasper isn't done fucking up. I give him 6 months before he's back in trouble again, and that's being nice.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I have a theory
Jesus was bad and has been in jail and prison for two centuries. It's the only explanation that explains why every offender suddenly finds Jesus when they are sentenced to jail. Such is the case of Kasper. I hope that he proves me wrong and makes me feel like shit for thinking the worst of him. I don't trust him. I don't trust that he'll follow the straight and narrow. I think he should be forced into counseling and rehab. But it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is that he has to turn his life around or ... I don't want to even think about what the consequences will be if he doesn't. Even if the stays straight for a year who's to say it will last past that year. When he moved to Timbuktu he stayed straight for a year and look how that ended up. Kasper...please prove me wrong. Don't hurt your family any more than you already have.
enough of that....
Today was the company event. I'm burned to a crisp, sore and exhausted. I even used sun block! I helped with clean up and there were only two of us cleaning up the 15 tables in the parking lot, and only I was carrying each table half a football field. I could barely hold a cup of pudding without my arm getting tired. My hand shakes when I try to drink a coke. I'm weak. I get it. I admit it. And now i'm exhausted. I hope I'm not too sore tomorrow. I'd like to look for apartments and do some cleaning. This is my last chance to get my room done before surgery.
Two weeks. I'm so scared and so very sad. I know part of the sad tonight is just being so tired, but seeing all those beautiful kids today knowing I can't have my own...will never see what kind of child I could make - it absolutely breaks my heart more than I will ever admit to anyone. Only my invisable friends are privy to this information, and I know you guys aren't talking! And my dr...she's fucking ridiculous. She keeps writing that I"m dpressed. Well fucking duh CIndy Lou Hoo. I'm destroying any chance I have for creating a baby. How the fuck do you expect me to feel? I'm not going to get a hair cut or lypo suction. I'm young and have no children and have to have a hysterectomy. Do you expect me to be all "Oh, big deal?" Well fuck you. This IS a big deal. Too bad you're a heartless bitch who doesn't fucking get it.
No. I'm not bitter.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Late
Friday night. I'm tired but I know when I go to bed I won't be able to sleep. I had my pre-op appointment today. Waste of time, really. She can't do my STD forms, so I still have to go see Dr W. He could have done my pre-op and I wouldn't have to pay to office visits. Pain in my ass. I need to get into W on Monday. I have to get those papers signed and process before surgery. Plus I have three simple questions for him: How long is surgery, how long will I be in the hospital, how long am I out of work? Simple simple simple. Maybe the nurse can answer my questions. That way I won't really have to see W and pay that cost. We'll see, I guess, but it HAS to get done Monday.
Lots of pain tonight. It's annoying as all getout.
Picnic tomorrow. I half hope it'll rain because it's supposed to be 90 and muggy. YUCK. I'm wearing my jean skirt and a tshirt. I hate skirts, but no way am I hanging out in hot weather in jeans. Hell no! I don't care how ugly my legs are. Maybe if it's sprinkly I can move my photo booth to the learning labs. Tht'd be awesome. Air conditioning!! I need to take things for recylcling, too, so I can get entered into the drawing for the TV. Recycling or donations. I have three bags of clothes to donate. That'd be the perfect place to take them. I think I'll probably just grab one bag though because I don't feel like dealing with three.
Ok. I think my camera is done so I'm off to bed e bye! Good night, invisable friends!
So
I hadn't planned on taking a lunch today since I have a pre-op this afternoon. But I'm likely going to come back to the office after the Dr visit and will likely stay until 6:30 or so. So...I'm going to lunch with Danny. Plus she said the magic words: Longhorn! I love that place and who am I to say no, right? Moo moo says the cow, but oh well says Brennan.
I don't feel very motivated today. And though my period has stopped, I still have really bad cramps and pain. It's ridonculous. I don't really feel like taking pain pills, but I might have to. Just the Ibu's though. I'm not in the mood to feel all stoned up this afternoon from the ultracet.
Kehna doesn't hate me, so that's good. She said she's writing me back, so I'm waiting ever so patiently for her to write. I'm sure she's busy at work and it's not easy to write when you're busy. Unless you're me and you take tons of time in between projects to write! But that's a whole other oprah, right?
I'm curions
If I chage the font in my email, will it change the font that goes in my posts? That'd be supa cool!
I really do hope and pray the Kehna isn't mad at me. Silence always equates anger in my mind. Something I need to get over, I know, but that's just how my brain works, I guess.
Now I need to get busy! I'm only here a little more than a half day today. I have my pre-op appointment this afternoon.
I am shocked
I hope that if anyone in particular reads this that they won't be upset or mad at me. This is afterall my journal and my personal thoughts. Kehna, you know I love you, but this is just how I feel about Kasper right now.
That said, Frydrik and Florentina bailed Kasper out of jail. I honestly don't think it was the right thing to do. I'm sure it will help his case, but if he doesn't get his ass into rehab I fear that bad or worse things are going to happen. Kasper was always a handful, but was never a bad person. I don't think he's a bad person at all. I think he's a drug addict and ghost of what he used to be and what he could be. If for no other reason, he needs to go to rehab to be a good father. he has a beautiful bright and fun daughter. Frydrik and Florentina have given up so much to bail him out time and time again. This really is his last chance. He can't fuck this up. If he does, there's no way he won't end up in prison for 20 years.
I'm really surprised that F and F could afford to bail him out let alone do it at all. I don't care how high he was, Kasper fucked up in a bad way and desperately needs help. Not help from family, either. He needs rehab. he needs counseling. If he doesn't get these, he'll end up back in jail or worse. I also fear for the safety of all of them if Kasper falls into his old habits.
My family is different than most families. My cousins are all much more like siblings to me than cousins. Kehna has always been and will always be my sister and best friend. Her mom used to babysit me and I've always felt close to her. I'm still convinced that Frydrik doesn't like me much, but that's ok. I'm probably wrong. But I love him, too! He's so dedicated and a hard worker and would do anything for his family. I could be so lucky to find a guy like him to marry. I have TONS of cousins on my mom's side and most of us are really close. There are some that can go fuck themselves because they've decided they're too good to be tight with us, but the rest are all wonderful. So I think it's especially difficult when one of our cousins is in trouble. Most other people would be like "he's just a cousin" or something like that. They don't get that we all helped raise each other. We are nothing without each other. When one of us is down, the rest of us worry, pray and hope for the best.
So....I really hope getting Kasper out of jail isn't a mistake. I fear it is, but I hope hope hope he proves me wrong!
That said, Frydrik and Florentina bailed Kasper out of jail. I honestly don't think it was the right thing to do. I'm sure it will help his case, but if he doesn't get his ass into rehab I fear that bad or worse things are going to happen. Kasper was always a handful, but was never a bad person. I don't think he's a bad person at all. I think he's a drug addict and ghost of what he used to be and what he could be. If for no other reason, he needs to go to rehab to be a good father. he has a beautiful bright and fun daughter. Frydrik and Florentina have given up so much to bail him out time and time again. This really is his last chance. He can't fuck this up. If he does, there's no way he won't end up in prison for 20 years.
I'm really surprised that F and F could afford to bail him out let alone do it at all. I don't care how high he was, Kasper fucked up in a bad way and desperately needs help. Not help from family, either. He needs rehab. he needs counseling. If he doesn't get these, he'll end up back in jail or worse. I also fear for the safety of all of them if Kasper falls into his old habits.
My family is different than most families. My cousins are all much more like siblings to me than cousins. Kehna has always been and will always be my sister and best friend. Her mom used to babysit me and I've always felt close to her. I'm still convinced that Frydrik doesn't like me much, but that's ok. I'm probably wrong. But I love him, too! He's so dedicated and a hard worker and would do anything for his family. I could be so lucky to find a guy like him to marry. I have TONS of cousins on my mom's side and most of us are really close. There are some that can go fuck themselves because they've decided they're too good to be tight with us, but the rest are all wonderful. So I think it's especially difficult when one of our cousins is in trouble. Most other people would be like "he's just a cousin" or something like that. They don't get that we all helped raise each other. We are nothing without each other. When one of us is down, the rest of us worry, pray and hope for the best.
So....I really hope getting Kasper out of jail isn't a mistake. I fear it is, but I hope hope hope he proves me wrong!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I am tired
Drained, too.
I need to apply for the MBA program.
I need to start seriously looking for a place to live. While I'm very much game for the downtown condo rental, I'd much prefer to be closer to work. It'd save in gas money and time. I don't know. I guess wherever I can get a place that I can afford is what I'll do. I'd prefer to wait until I know what kind of raise I'm getting, if any. I'm just completely overwhelmed this afternoon. I need the hysterectomy to be done and overwith. THis waiting is killing me. 18 fucking days.
I need to apply for the MBA program.
I need to start seriously looking for a place to live. While I'm very much game for the downtown condo rental, I'd much prefer to be closer to work. It'd save in gas money and time. I don't know. I guess wherever I can get a place that I can afford is what I'll do. I'd prefer to wait until I know what kind of raise I'm getting, if any. I'm just completely overwhelmed this afternoon. I need the hysterectomy to be done and overwith. THis waiting is killing me. 18 fucking days.
My very appropriate horoscope....again...
Don't give up yet; the work may be piling up now, but you can get through it all if you just stay focused on what's important. There are, no doubt, all kinds of distractions that can pull you from your mundane commitments, but you'll need to set them aside. Fortunately, the Sun's trine to your key planet Pluto gives you the ability to concentrate your mind power directly on your targeted destination.
Scary how right on it is lately.
Headache is sill sticking around. I think it might be the change in weather. Better than the brain tumor I've been making up.
Turlach called to say he's definitely moving. I'm fine with that, and actually a big cheer leader for him to get out of dodge. However, with my surgery and being broke - I have no idea how I'm going to afford to move let alone move at all. I'll have to be packing while I'm recovering and that doesn't make me a very happy camper. his timing could be more fucked up, but who am I to tell him to please wait until I have a place to live.
I just want to go home and cry. I don't feel good. I'm stressed. I'm scared. I just want to hide.
Scary how right on it is lately.
Headache is sill sticking around. I think it might be the change in weather. Better than the brain tumor I've been making up.
Turlach called to say he's definitely moving. I'm fine with that, and actually a big cheer leader for him to get out of dodge. However, with my surgery and being broke - I have no idea how I'm going to afford to move let alone move at all. I'll have to be packing while I'm recovering and that doesn't make me a very happy camper. his timing could be more fucked up, but who am I to tell him to please wait until I have a place to live.
I just want to go home and cry. I don't feel good. I'm stressed. I'm scared. I just want to hide.
I'm chatty today, I guess
I miss Cago. He's been gone for two weeks. We email all the time. I started this journal in his absence and am considering sharing it with him. i'm not sure yet, though. I like having my own private place with invisable friends. The whole point of an online blog is for people to read it and if people read mine, great. I just don't want them to know who I am. So...I probalby won't share this with him. I may tell him about it, but if I do that, he'll want to see it. It's not like there's anything in here he doesn't already know or that I won't tell him eventually. My life is an open book to him. We'll see.
I just can't be bothered to care. IN good news, though, it seems the narcotic for the endo pain has worked on my nasty headache. It's still lingering a little bit, but it's not NEARLY as bad as it was before. I need to kick it into high gear this afternoon, too, and get some work done. I worked on event stuff this morning and I feel mostly prepared for my part of it. I think I might print more cards and sign in sheets, but I should be set. There's 145 reservations, and I"ve printed 200 cards. I have 200 more ready to go. I'll have to put Amira on some tasks for me so I can get more done.
I'm off to lunch! I'm going to turn into a cow if I don't start eating right, but fuck it.
I just can't be bothered to care. IN good news, though, it seems the narcotic for the endo pain has worked on my nasty headache. It's still lingering a little bit, but it's not NEARLY as bad as it was before. I need to kick it into high gear this afternoon, too, and get some work done. I worked on event stuff this morning and I feel mostly prepared for my part of it. I think I might print more cards and sign in sheets, but I should be set. There's 145 reservations, and I"ve printed 200 cards. I have 200 more ready to go. I'll have to put Amira on some tasks for me so I can get more done.
I'm off to lunch! I'm going to turn into a cow if I don't start eating right, but fuck it.
I am special
I've been whining about my horrible headache. Hyr gave me a lovely neck massage. It was well needed and did help the headache. Yay for that. It's not really gone, but definnitely feels better. I think maybe once I have lunch I'll be ok. Having only yogurt for breakfast is just not cutting it at all.
I'm surprised that I still have $25 in my checking account. Yay me. I need to make a car payment this week and, ideally, next week, too, but let's not get too wild and crazy! I like to keep the evil car company wanting more :)
I'm really just biding time until lunch right now.
I'm surprised that I still have $25 in my checking account. Yay me. I need to make a car payment this week and, ideally, next week, too, but let's not get too wild and crazy! I like to keep the evil car company wanting more :)
I'm really just biding time until lunch right now.
And Hundo...
Oh Hundo just kills me. That voice. That laugh. DRIVES ME INSANE. I just can't tolerate hundo.
I hate having headaches because I get so bitchy and I've been in a good mood for a few days. Fine. I give in. I'll go get caffiene.
I hate having headaches because I get so bitchy and I've been in a good mood for a few days. Fine. I give in. I'll go get caffiene.
Oh my god I think I'm dying
My head hurts so bad today. I can't even concentrate. It sucks. I think I"ll have to go get a coke or something. It's killing me.
Hades is in Zeus' office. Hades drives me nuts. Just thought I'd share!
Hades is in Zeus' office. Hades drives me nuts. Just thought I'd share!
I am bloated!
I had weird dreams. My hands and feet feel swollen. Please shoot me.
In other news....
I'm going to try to update my Museworx profile today. I need to start getting portfolio's together so I can freelance. I really see that as the only way to make it right now. I don't want to burn the candle from both ends, but I don't think i'll have a choice. I don't see Zeus giving me the raise I want.
Let's see...what else....There went my morning! Boss is in early. WTF?
In other news....
I'm going to try to update my Museworx profile today. I need to start getting portfolio's together so I can freelance. I really see that as the only way to make it right now. I don't want to burn the candle from both ends, but I don't think i'll have a choice. I don't see Zeus giving me the raise I want.
Let's see...what else....There went my morning! Boss is in early. WTF?
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