I am ambivolent

I had my review.  All good things to say.  Negativeish things I expected (clean your desk, learn how to say no, teach, make presentations, be a leader).  He knows I get nervous talking in front of groups.  He also admitted that was the whole point of the monopoly exercise - to get me in front of that group.  If he had at least given me more than 5 minutes notice about running the discussion, I would have been ok.  But that's no longer relavant.  I told him adjusting my level was extremely important to me.  He giggled.  Not sure what to think about that, but it really is that important.  I don't get that raise, I can't stay.  He doesn't get that. 

 

Anyway...it went as well as I could expect.  He has plans for me to learn more about all of the product groups and spending 15 hours a month with a different group.  He desperately wants his HR page finished and I just haven't had time to do it.  It's not like I'm not working, and he said the same thing.  I hope to get that done before I leave (along with everything else).  He said leaving will be good because the everday tasks are going to be picked up by and stay with Marie.  That's awesome for me and awesome for her.  He said when I come back I'll be mostly advanced work.  Again, awesome for me, but I better be compensated accordingly. 

 

As far as the level raise - he's going to discuss a level promotion with Hestia.  She's totally on my side, so I have every confidence my desires will be vocalized by not only me, but a director level employee.  Whether or not he listens and gives me what I want, need and deserve is a whole other Oprah. 

 

Wish me luck, invisable friends...wish me luck!

I am irritated

My review was supposed to have started 15 minutes ago. But he's letting other people come in and talk to him first. he knows this is fucking agony for me. I hate reviews. I hate this review because I need a big raise in order to keep working here and only here. Hyr told me what to expect without flat out telling me: he said, do this before you have your review and get pissed. Nice. I'm not getting the raise I need. And yes. I'm going to be pissed despite the fact that I already know what he's going to say. I hate hate hate reviews. I hate anxiety.

Fun

I got to ride in the jeep with Gus today.  Fun stuff!  We went to BK for lunch.  I feel more relaxed about my review, though still nervous about asking for the raise I want.  I'm not sure how to ask for that and I don't think I'll have time to ask Hyr for advice on how to approach it.

Drama Drama Drama

I should go to lunch.  I hate drama. 

 

There's a big event on Saturday.  I see more drama coming around about it.  Hyr is ready to cancel if there's rain.  Keenan says no way.  They'll have to duke it out at some point.  I'm game for whatever.  I'll be bummed if it's cancelled because that means I could have gone north.  I could still go, I suppose, but this is also the last weekend I have to get the house ready for my surgery.  So...that's what I"ll be doing before and after the event - and during if it's raining.

 

 

Dear Karulo,

You've done this report four times for me before.  Why all the sudden do you think you've never done the report and that it's not possible?  I can give you proof that it's always been done like this and that you're the one who provided the report.  Stop giving me shit and do your job. 

 

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

 

Yours truely,

 

Brennan

Horoscopes are creepy

There's one I get on my google homepage that is always so right on that I feel like someone is stalking me and writing about me!!

 

Horoscope:  You want to look good for your superiors today, so you may spend longer doing those little things you might normally let slide. Not much escapes your critical eye now, but you could get so overwhelmed by the minutiae that you don't accomplish your mission. Although it may not be your first choice, it may be a smart strategy to let quality suffer just a bit so you can finish everything on time.

 

 

Ha!  That's so totally right on.  So I'll just get all that stuff done and not care if it's right.  NOT!  I can't do that.  That's not how I do things.

Lyrics of the day

I don't know if I'll keep this up or not, but let's try!

 

Lyrics of the day:

 

Tell Mr Shoemaker I'll be away

On a rocket or a comet or the dock of the bay

On a canon in a steam ship sailing away

On a oneway ticket on a first class airplane

 

 

I just like that!!  I want to do all of those things!

Funny

Gus said he'd be in early today.  I'm late by my standards and he's STILL not here.  He needs to get here soon, though, because he has a review at 8!  Just thought I'd share.

 

Not a real exciting night last night.  A little sick and tired of listening to Turlach stress about his upcoming court date.  No, nothing illegal.  he's filing bankruptcy and is nervous about how it will go.  If they don't let him do chapter seven, it will be a very miserable life for both of us.  I'll feel obligated to stay in that house.  He'll be depressed that he has to stay in that horrible house.  It just won't be good at all.  I have confidence that he'll be just fine.  The lawyer told him it will be fine.  He's a nervous Nellie.  I don't blame him, though.  either way it's not easy for him.  He feels like he's losing everything he's worked so hard for.  I see it as he's getting rid of the rest of all the life he had with his ex - we'll call her Ukla Furtoe (an official troll name).  I really think a huge weight will be lifted once he finally steps out of all that reminds him of Ukla Furtoe.  So....i'm hoping it all works out for the chapter seven...for both of our sakes! 

 

I have a meeting today with the owner and then my review this afternoon.  I feel well prepared for the meeting with Gaius.  It's just a simple question and answer thing for the company newsletter.  However....my review this afternoon....I'm not ready for that.  I'll have to ask Hyr to throw some questions at me he thinks Gus might ask.

 

Wish me luck, my invisiable friends!

Busses are not for throwing people under

I hate that.  Queenie never keeps an appointment with Gus.  NEVER.  Gus is finally sick of it and told her she's killing him and asked me to reschedule her review with him...again.  She wrote back saying that I didn't do my job and wasn't paying attention to the dates she suggestion (all of which I told her wouldn't work).  She's ridiculous.  Take some damn responsibility.  I never knew it when I was there, but high school really does prepare you for life...because NO ONE EVER LEFT.  Good lord!  Everyone acts like they're in high school and "so and so said this" and "she didn't listen so it's not my fault" and lies and lies and lies.  Grow up people!  I hated high school.  For some reason I feel like I'm doomed to live in it forever.  What did I do to deserve that?!

 

Anyway...still working.  Getting some things done, but not as much as I want.  I have a kind of big deal meeting in the morning with the owner to talk about the company newsletter.  I didn't invite anyone else like I had planned, so he'll just have to manage.  I need to come up with some questions for him, though.  I need to be more prepared than I am right now.  I know I"ll be nervous.  But it's only Gaius.  I need to just get over it and figure out what to ask him.  Maybe I'll record it so I don't miss anything. 

It is not a secret.

Everyone knows I'm going to be out of the office for two months.  They also know that they need to start doing some things on their own so they know how to do it when I'm gone.  Specifically the "friend" who told me I'm intimidating.  We'll call her Danny.  Danny just told ...didn't ask, or say please - told/instructed...me to change this link here and add that link there on our website.  Danny has both the access and the knowledge to do this on her own.  Why the f is she asking me?  I know she's busy and I understand that.  If she's so busy she can't do it, the least she could do is say please.  And she also cc'd the one chic who won't ask me to do ANYTHING at all.  I'm pretty sick of her bs.  I've never been rude to her ever.  I don't know what her fucking problem with me is, but I'm over walking egg shells for either of them.  I'm 100% certain I've managed to piss Danny off again because I emailed her back and said "who plans to do this while I'm gone?".  In other words, DO YOU OWN WORK!

 

grr argh.

 

Pain pills are just now beginning to kick in.  That makes me happy.  And a printing project that was assumed to take two full days, has only taken me about an hour.  YAY for that.  Hyr will be very happy :)

Busy Busy Busy

I have to go with Hry to west to print his stupid posters.  Why do I have to do it?  It's not fair.  whatever.  I'll probably just stay forever until they're done printing.  I just hope I can get other work done while I'm doing the posters.  if not, I'll be extremely unhappy.  I do need to check with Keenan first to make sure he doesn't need me for anything this afternoon.  He's reallly busy with meetings so I don't know if he's set on having me available or not. 

 

I just had lunch with Rhea.  I shouldn't have because I'm broke, but we always have fun.  She's a good friend to me.  She's pretty much my only friend in this town.  I'd tell you where I live but A) You're an imaginary friend and could care less where I live and B) If I told you, I'd have to kill you and that just isn't very nice.  So we'll just say I live in Olympus. 

Good Lord

I'm 90 minutes into the day.  Last week I told Etain that I'd have time to work on her brochure this afternoon.  She called me to see if I'm done yet.  WTF!  Give a girl a chance to work on it!!  I have way too much going on right now.  It's killing me.

I Am Unmotivated

But I'm trying!

 

This past weekend I finally got my bottle of perfume from Dennis open after 3 years.  So i've been wearing it.  Today I must have put too much on because it's hurting my nose.  No one has said anything so either they can't smell it or it stinks.  One of the two!

 

I worked until 7:30 last night and will likely do the same tonight.  I get alot more done after hours.  I get here early but it usually takes me a little more than an hour to get my ass in gear and start working.  Today it's taking longer.  I think it's because I only had yogurt for breakfast.  I do better when I have eggs or something.  Maybe tonight I'll buy eggs again and hard boil them.  That worked out well for me before. 

 

Ok.  Need to get busy.  I'm working on Wind Marketing, Sustainable Marketing, picnic shit.  Oh!  The picnic is this saturday and they (the weather people) are calling for thunderstorms.  That sucks!  I hope the forecast changes.  While I'm stressed about the event, I'm also excited for it.  More excited to have it done, but still.  A lot of people will be very bummed if it doesn't happen.  We have 600 coming!

 

Ok really.  back to work.

Back to school?

I really want my MBA now.  I"m searching for colleges.  Right now I'm leaning towards Baker online or University of Phoenix.  I should contact my friend Roza about it.  She works at U of Phoenix.  She hates it, but she works there and could maybe help me out.

 

I'm trying to work on a calendar that has to be finished before I leave and it's fucked up something fierce.  I'm not sure what I did and i'm not sure how much longer I"m willing to work.

Monopoly

It went well this afternoon.  Hyr and Keenan made me run it 100%.  I didn't like that.  I'm not a good spontaneous speaker.  I think I did ok.  I don't know.  I wasn't uncomfortable at all, but I'm awkward with transitions.  I need more practice.  I need to do toastmasters again.  Hmph.  I don't like toastmasters, but I really do need it.  So...I'll start that up again in January.

 

I'm off to go talk to TMD about my MBA and how to get reimbursed from work for tuition.

Lunch and monopoly

Lunch.  I go to Wendy's.  Alot.  My lunch is usually 7.19.  So today the person in the speaker said 7.29.  I figure fine...jack your prices a dime, I don't care.  I get to the window and creepy tatto guy says 7.82!  How did it go up 60 cents in 100 feet?  I don't get it.  And creepy window guy was no help.  So I won't be going there anymore.  Besides...creepy window guy is too creepy.  He touched my hand and I'm not sure I can get my hand clean ever again.

 

More monopoly fun this afternoon.  Wish me luck.  I'm nervous, though I shouldn't be.  I just want it to be done.  Oh...and wish my luck with my crazy effing week.  It will be nuts getting ready for picnic fun.

 

 

CHRIS KIRPATRICK...GONE COUNTRY?

Please no!  I love him, but I don't know if I could listen to country just because of him.  I will, but my ears will bleed and that's a bad thing.  I just absolutely adore that man.  I still love Nsync and am not ashamed to admit it.  I busted out my Nsync pen a couple weeks ago.  Keenan keeps stealing my pens and having the nsync one will ensure it's safe from thievery.  Anyway...I even like Justin Timberlake now.  I hated him before.  Lance is no longer in my good graces - he lets his sexuality define him and that reminds me too much of Phelan for my comfort.  Joey and JC are still beautiful and I adore them just as much as Chris.

 

Yes, I'm too old to still like them but I don't care.  I think I'll have to listen to Nsync today at lunch!

I Am Brilliant

I solved an issue I may or may not have bitched about last week.  I am taking pictures at the company picnic coming up soon.  Specifically, I'm taking "family" pictures of any and all employees who want their family photo taken.  I'm excited yet nervous about it.  I have been in a bit of a dilema trying to figure out how to get these pictures to people.  I asked IT if I could set up space on our external website.  Nay nay.  We don't have room.  But Jack did have a great idea - set something up on Flickr.  I'm not a fan of flickr because they don't have unlimted space available.  However, shutterfly does!  So I told the Keenan I was going to do that...Nay nay he said.  Other people can access and print other employee's  pictures and we can't have that.  What if they do something bad to the picture and we're the one that provided it.  Whatever.  So that totally blew the wind out of my sails.  But now I have it figured out.  Shutterfly is ultracool.  You can set up websites for all of your folders!  Cool stuff.  So...all it's going to take from me is setting up those millions of websites and folders, but it will be well worth it.  It makes me look organized and smart, and really, that's all I care about!  It's all about me, baby!

Pain management

Ok ok, I get it.  I should not have taken a break from taking pain pills to remind myself why I'm having a hysterectomy.  I can't even concentrate today.  I hate taking the big pills.  I have two main pain pills:  800's and 650's.  The 800's aren't even the big pills because they're basic Ibuprophen.  the 650's are a narcotic.  I hate taking that one because there's this build up - the first two dont' really work that well.  The second set makes me happy and a little numb.  The third set completely wears me out and I can't multitask.  I don't want to say I get stoned on them, but basically I do.  I don't like that feeling at all.  The happy part is fun and I get a lot of work done at that time. But that third set....I try to avoid it, but the whole "no pain" feeling is so great that I always take the third set to keep up the no pain thing, but I can feel my face elongating - I know my face gets completely blank like I'm not even there.  I really don't like that.  I was hoping to avoid the 650's today, but can't - not and keep working.

I am here

I had a busy weekend.  The wedding went very well, as previously stated.  Yesterday I drove to the parent's abode to pay homage to the eldest brother, Phelan.  He was less annoying than usual.  What I don't get about him is that he is STILL making sure we all know he's gay.  Yes....we know you're gay Phelan.  We get it.  Stop talking about how hot this guy is or that guy.  And stop with the inuendo's, especially in front of your kid.  You won't say "gay" in front of him, but you'll sit there an talk about how hot guys are?  And the 'rents PISSED me off.  Phelan doesn't have a driver's license and isn't supposed to drive Fin around.  Mother let Phelan drive Fin.  They had lunch together and had a nice little time, but Fin was nervous about it and has every intention of telling his mother (Aine).  Mom doesn't get (or care) how pissed off Aine will be and how that could harm her trust in all of us.  I understand why she let Phelan drive.  I really do get it.  But there's so much more at stake than Phelan acting like fucking daddy of the year for a week, only to disappoint Fin by leaving again.  If Aine gets pissed enough, she could NOT let us see Fin. 

 

I need to stop talking about it because I'm getting pissed off.  I wish I had an off switch sometimes.

 

That issue aside, the visit with Phelan was nice.  The drive was nice.  And I was all relaxed when I came into work today.  And then I saw my desk.  Monopoly.  I completely forgot I have to run that fucking game again this afternoon.  What a pain in my ass.  The boss, Keenan, took all the credit on Friday for doing the game.  He didn't do a damn thing.  Whatever.  I won't stick around to listen to his BS this afternoon.  Seeing that damn monopoly money on my desk pissed me off.

 

On an interesting note, I started what is 99.9% likely to be my very last period ever.  I'm mixed about that.  I"m keeping light on the pain pills to remind myself why I'm having a hysterectomy in three weeks.  I love that I won't have to deal with this anymore, but part of me still thinks "Hey...this isn't that bad - no need for such drastic measures."  I hate that part of me and I wish she'd shut the fuck up.  In reality, it IS that bad.  If I didn't have pain pills for weeks like this, I'd be off of work one week a month.  It was hard to get out of bed and when I did, I said fuck it and took a pain pill.  Now I feel a little better and the little bitch within is all "I told you so...it's not that bad".  She needs to die.  I'll be killing her on September 8th.